Global Warming Theory

There can be no denying it any longer. You have heard the speeches. You have read the reports. You have watched the news. Global warming is a real and growing threat to the future of mankind. There exists a large public outcry to put into place billion dollar programs to stop, or at least slow, global warming. Most of these policies focus on that of pollution and the emission of various “greenhouse gases” into the atmosphere.

Granted, this is a splendid idea. If nothing else, it will at least help to protect the environment. There is, however, a proposed easier, less costly method to stopping global warming. That method is none other than having multitudes of people enlist in open sea piracy.

It is a statistically proven fact that, since the 19th Century, open-sea piracy has been on the decline and global warming has been on the rise. If you wonder if this means people should resort to the type of piracy you see when you watch Pirates of the Caribbean, the answer is yes! Unless one is an open-sea pirate, he/she is capable of nothing productive in terms of helping the entire world.

You see, open-sea pirates were known to often engage in inter-vessel interactions (ship-to-ship combat) and involuntary crew resignation (walking the plank). What do these two have in common? They both involve heavy masses (cannon balls and people respectively) splashing and sinking into the ocean. How does this help stop global warming?

Every time something violently disturbs the surface of the ocean and sinks, colder water from the depths is forced to the surface. As we know, warmer water currents evaporate to form and fuel hurricanes and tropical storms. We have been witness to a strong number of these lately at the category 4 and 5 levels over the past thirty years! If you were to chart the frequency of such hurricanes with the increased atmospheric temperature, you would notice a definite correlation.

In conclusion, the following call to action is proposed: Help stop global warming. Become a pirate today!

This post is a summary of an online article cited below.

“Piracy as a preventor of tropical cyclones,” The Science Creative Quarterly. Issue 2, Jan-Mar 2007. Website linked:

http://www.scq.ubc.ca/piracy-as-a-preventor-of-tropical-cyclones/

MEMED

-Do you suffer from loss of time?
-Do your friends (what's left of them) say your social life is dwindling?
-Have you found yourself dreaming physics problems in your sleep and answering them correctly?

If you answered yes to all of these questions, you may be under a serious condition called Mechanical Engineering Major Educational Disorder (MEMED). If you feel that this condition applies to you, do not be afraid, for you are not alone. This condition is treatable as Mr. David Hasbrouck, founder and chairman of the Mechanical Engineering Recovery Institute (MERI), has discovered.

Hasbrouck and his fellow researchers are dedicated to the exploration of ways to help those diagnosed with MEMED to recover, and do so successfully. Hasbrouck has even gone as far as to welcome those recovering from MEMED to join his team. I am one such patient who has been fortunate enough to undergo his Five-Step Plan to recovery and be on this great team of researchers.

The Five-Step Plan is easy:

1. Admit you have a problem with MEMED
2. Recognize your lack of a social life due to an overabundance of work
3. Realize you have a slow, yet growing level of hatred toward those who are not Mechanical Engineering majors
4. Know that you hate your current major of Mechanical Engineering and you find it is costing you all of your treasures (money, friends, life, etc.)
5. Change your major (Mathematics and Business are most popular) and begin the process of recovery (note that this may take the rest of your life)

I have undergone this Five-Step Plan and currently continue with step 5. I have to say all is well as I now have friends, more money, and something called spare time. So come and join me in your FREE trial of the Five-Step Plan to recovery from MEMED and together we can make your life and the the rest of the world better...in fact, you have my guarantee! *smiles with sparkling white teeth while a ping echos in the background*

Coping With Change

Recently it has occured to me that when one gets into a relationship, it is recognized by many as a HUGE change. This is valid, but it is also interesting how many things (habitual things) that a person does do not change but some people seem to think that they have.

It's quite humorous really. While being in a relationship has affected how I manage my time and what kind of mood I'm generally in, I still brush my teeth the same way and eat the same food and stuff. It is so AMAZING how people choose now to notice my little quirks and habbits.
To break it down, here's a list of things I've always done but people are just now making comments about because I'm in a relationship and it's "cute":

-Folding laundry neatly
-Making my bed
-Mating pairs of socks
-Doing dishes
-Other house-keeping things (Because Kate *must* be coming over)
-Eating mints
-Using lip balm
-Wearing clothes that *gasp* actually match
-Wait, I'm making a phone call...I *must* be calling Kate

So many things and I believe the list will grow. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but isn't this amusing? I can only imagine what her friends are accusing her of doing different right now.

Wait, this is my second post in one week! Now that might be different for me.

Chivalry? What's that?

DRAMA ALERT...Ok so recently I've managed to get myself into a relationship with this really awesome girl and that is the basis for this post...END DRAMA.

Let us look at the 20th Century. A lot went on. Two world wars, the rise and fall of the Soviet Union, the birth of communism, equality among races in the U.S. and let's not forget the biggest push for women's rights. Ah yes...women's rights...quite the milestone in this nation's history.

First I must say that I am in total agreement that women should have the rights that they have been so successful in aquiring. With this great advancement, however, also came a boom of women's independence and here is where I fastforward to today, the new millenium. In terms of women's independence at this point, women pay for themselves, they open the door for themselves, they put on and remove their jackets by themselves, they pull out and push in their chairs by themselves, they speak for themselves, about the only thing they seem uncapable/unwilling to do on their own anymore is give themselves a shoulder massage.

Some guys see no problem with any of this and if they do, they wish that women could, in fact, give theirselves a shoulder massage; it's one less thing we men have to do! I am not one such guy, and as my good friend and roomate, Rich, has proven: I am not alone. I try to pay for my girlfriend, but it is like trying to pull teeth to do it. Offering to pay is almost like offering to kill someone it seems. "No" is always the answer. My response to this was, "Don't tell me. You're-" "Yes, independent," she said. I recall opening the door for her for the first time and how I got that stunned look that says, "You're weird." I dare not even try to bring up that I'm just being chivalrous because I doubt her or half the female population would really understand what that means. One dictionary definition simply states that chivalry is "courtesy towards women."

So to break that down, for a man to be chivalrous is simply to show respect for a woman. Do women not realize that by being "independent" they shut us men out from showing them the respect we believe they deserve? There needs to be some correction here. There are times when I miss the Middle Ages!

Laws of Attraction

I know we are post-Valentine's Day, but nevertheless, key elements of our current traditions of Valentine's Day have come to the surface. By coming to the surface, I mean that they have caused me to undergo certain thought processes. What does it mean to celebrate Valentine's Day as a college student? As a college student, the request, "Will you be my Valentine?" is never heard. I can only assume it is never even stated with the exception of those tiny cards we used to pass out in grade school that continue to be exchanged among the female student population.

I pose yet another question to help answer my first: What does it mean to be one's Valentine? To this, I have come up with a list of possibilities:

• You like one another, but are simply the best of friends
• You really like one another and may even be dating
• You really like one another but neither of you can find in yourself the courage to actually say, "I like you." so you instead asked the other to be your Valentine
• Same as directly above, but exchange the word "like" for "love"
• You're married to each other. End of story.
• You may not be the best of friends, but someone recognized you as one of their many friends and decided to give you a card so that you would not feel that everyone else is that person's Valentine and you got the shaft.

Now back to my initial inquiry. How does a college student celebrate Valentine's Day. To this, I have observed three possibilities:

1. You are a girl and you are in a relationship so you get a wonderful evening with that special man in your life where he treats you to dinner, gives you a card, and some sort of gift (flowers, chocolates, a teddy bear, lingerie that you probably won't wear even if you are married to him, etc.)
2. You are a guy and if you are in a relationship, you spend money on a day that is most likely not her birthday, Christmas, or your anniversary to give her dinner and a gift as stated above. If you are not in a relationship you have no one and sit at home alone (either way you get hosed, you just may not realize it)
3. You are a girl or a guy who may or may not have a special someone but venture to join a gender segregated affair in an estrogen night or testosterone night respectively.

In conclustion of my analysis, I pose one more question: Is Valentines Day all it's cracked up to be? The answer to this can only be accurately stated in two short words...Hell No.

Welcome!

Welcome, new reader, to my small, insignificant yet personally vital nook of the World Wide Web. I suppose I would like to begin by giving an insight into events as of late.

As I sit here carelessly typing this lovely new post on my blog just for you (wow, don't you feel special?), my most wonderful roommate, Richard, is making is trek from his home in Maryland to our college place of dwelling (that's POD for all you acronym lovers) where I have already arrived.

Yesterday evening, being Saturday when Richard should have come but chose not to (the pansy), our good friend, Anna, stopped by and we enjoyed over 3 hours of Lord of the Rings (that's LOTR for the aforementioned acronym flunky) as we ate chocolate cheesecake, sipped hot apple cider and drank some Guinness. It was a most splendid celebration of Middle Earth and a time of peace between her and I as we have spent the past month in facebook poke warfare.

Tonight, however, bodes a very promising and exciting evening as Rich will be here, along with my good friends, Lindsey, Anna, Ben and Afton. The excitement within me is steadily reaching its climax as this time of friends, tv, movies, boos and perhaps a cigar, draws nigh. By the end of the wonderful evening Lindsey and Anna will depart for the abodes from whence they came as Ben and Afton will crash overnight.

This is also to be the beginning of the new college semester! Things look to be very promising as far as it being a fullfilling one. Within days, we will endeavor to pass our classes...with a vengeance in my case...and be filled with all of the drama, excitement and chaos that college life so graciously provides.

Until next time, dear reader, peace out yo.