Global Warming Theory

There can be no denying it any longer. You have heard the speeches. You have read the reports. You have watched the news. Global warming is a real and growing threat to the future of mankind. There exists a large public outcry to put into place billion dollar programs to stop, or at least slow, global warming. Most of these policies focus on that of pollution and the emission of various “greenhouse gases” into the atmosphere.

Granted, this is a splendid idea. If nothing else, it will at least help to protect the environment. There is, however, a proposed easier, less costly method to stopping global warming. That method is none other than having multitudes of people enlist in open sea piracy.

It is a statistically proven fact that, since the 19th Century, open-sea piracy has been on the decline and global warming has been on the rise. If you wonder if this means people should resort to the type of piracy you see when you watch Pirates of the Caribbean, the answer is yes! Unless one is an open-sea pirate, he/she is capable of nothing productive in terms of helping the entire world.

You see, open-sea pirates were known to often engage in inter-vessel interactions (ship-to-ship combat) and involuntary crew resignation (walking the plank). What do these two have in common? They both involve heavy masses (cannon balls and people respectively) splashing and sinking into the ocean. How does this help stop global warming?

Every time something violently disturbs the surface of the ocean and sinks, colder water from the depths is forced to the surface. As we know, warmer water currents evaporate to form and fuel hurricanes and tropical storms. We have been witness to a strong number of these lately at the category 4 and 5 levels over the past thirty years! If you were to chart the frequency of such hurricanes with the increased atmospheric temperature, you would notice a definite correlation.

In conclusion, the following call to action is proposed: Help stop global warming. Become a pirate today!

This post is a summary of an online article cited below.

“Piracy as a preventor of tropical cyclones,” The Science Creative Quarterly. Issue 2, Jan-Mar 2007. Website linked:

http://www.scq.ubc.ca/piracy-as-a-preventor-of-tropical-cyclones/